I have been reminiscing for the past hour or so, coffee in hand and scouring YouTube for videos of all the fun times and great music I had experienced over the past few years. Then I found myself in tears when I stumbled upon a band, a great group of old friends, whom I absolutely loved despite the fact that I only saw them once in a great while, due to my being on the road with another band so often.
Both bands have called it quits. I miss them dearly. All of them.
I always knew all great things come to an end. It's inevitable. But all the memories of good times, the comraderie, I wanted to hold on to that forever.
It was happiness as I knew it; these guys, whether they know it or not, brought me onto the scene and showed me how it all works. Before I was legal to drink, I was on the road and living that so-called "rockstar life" and basking in the limelight. I was a roadie, a tech, security, and a rockstar in my own right. They hooked me up with jobs, working for other bands, and I've spent countless nights on stage, even singing with national touring acts. That was the life they gave me, an act of friendship, because they knew I wanted that, and more.
But it wasn't truly mine.
And that is the terrible realization I've come to. I will meet all sorts of wonderful people on my journey as a musician, and no matter what they do for me, I can't just settle with that and call it good. Because things like that, they all come to an end in some way or another. I can't rely on others to make my dreams happen for me. (And really, why would I want to?)
Ultimately, I am alone in this. The friendship and support is wonderful, and it definitely pushes me to continue on through all the ups and downs and twists and turns. And I will do anything I can for these people.. But ten years down the road, if I continue to rely on others to propel me to where I want to be, I will never get there. Because I didn't make it happen, because I was too afraid to venture out on my own.
And twenty years from now, I don't want to be in the same place, wondering where my life went.. now that's depressing.
This is a rather mopey moment for me, but also a mental kick in the ass. And a reminder to not grow too attached to anything in life, to the point where you begin to lose yourself in the process. Because when it comes crashing down and you're left standing there, what else do you have to fall back on, other than yourself?
Moral of the story- live life to the fullest, take time to enjoy the scenery, but keep your head on straight. Because when that path ends and you're forced to choose which direction to go next, you need that head to think.
And so I continue on, with the love and support of friends who chose to take this path too, but with the full understanding that we may have to part ways in the future. If it happens, I'll be ready. And I'm not afraid this time.