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There.
I said it.
You know who you are- you're the one who sits at your computer all the time, not going anywhere or doing anything other than watching my every update on Facebook. You're almost always the first to "like" and comment, and you leave many comments. That's cool, I appreciate your time and it feels good to be appreciated. But it concerns me because you don't appreciate yourself.
How do I know this? Because when I ask how you are, you tell me how much your life sucks. You post multiple times on my page, seeming kind of like a lost, sad puppy, before I even have the chance to get back to you. Because I'm busy living life, and you're trying to live through me. I'm not voicing my criticisms to be cruel, it's because I care, and someone has to say it. I'm not afraid to. And perhaps others who do the same thing can benefit as well.
You feel like shit for a reason. You're enforcing poor self-image by hiding out alone with your computer, afraid to face the real world. Yeah, there are a lot of things in life that suck. I deal with them all the time. But it's a matter of HOW you choose to deal with them, not letting shit get you down, and doing what you REALLY want to do. Social phobias suck, but they can be overcome.
Yeah, I've been there. But then I got sick and tired of being sick and tired. It was scary breaking out of that rut, but I'm taking it one step at a time. (Yes, that's present tense- I am taking it one step at a time. I've been a work in progress for years, and I'm going to keep it up.)
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I wanted to see The Ludovico Technique (Ayria was playing, too). I missed them last year, and it just happened that all my friends who would appreciate the harsh industrial thing were either out of town or busy. Fuck that, I wasn't missing this.
So I called Ben and arranged to go early, and hang out before the show. (This was a great way for me to ease into the social thing- hang out with a few people who have a job to do before the crowd came in, so I wasn't overwhelmed when everything started later.) Not only did I have a lot of fun, but I wasn't alone, and I met a lot of friendly people. My biggest issue was finding it in myself to fight back my social phobias and just do it, and then the rest was easy. I don't regret it. I had a great time.
A thing to remember- you are probably your own worst critic. You're the one eating yourself up. You're the one making yourself vulnerable, setting yourself up to be hurt by the little things. Stop it.
Put yourself out there, doing the things you like to do, and don't rely on others to drag you out from under your rock. Just because your close friends are busy, that doesn't mean you have to stop living. Have some fun for once! Go out, fight back the shyness (if only for an hour or two), smile, and talk to people. Make new friends. You'll feel a lot better about yourself when you find others will accept you for who you are, and that you're your own worst enemy.
And knowing you accomplished something that would normally scare the shit out of you is a fantastic feeling.