The cat's already out of the bag, it has been for long enough now, so I'm just going to spew this out- I was assaulted a few short weeks ago by someone I thought I could trust.
Before you jump to conclusions, I want everyone to know how I feel about it.. the last thing I want is pity. It does no good, and I find it incredibly annoying. I hate pity. I'm allergic to it. And it's not because I'm an emotionless robot, it's because I have a very good head on my shoulders.
Yeah, I almost died. But it's over, my body heals quickly and I know I did nothing to deserve that. Shit happens and you do your best to overcome it. I hold no grudges. I am strong-willed enough that I did not let anyone violate me on an emotional level. I kept my head, did what I had to do, and walked away in the end.
The reason I'm talking about this is because recently I was approached online by a couple people who want to drag this out and blow it way out of proportion.. and somehow "profit" from my case. (The messages have disappeared from my FB inbox, but they are still stored in my phone. Snaptu keeps that shit.) And I'm posting it here because I know they are watching this page.. so here you go. Read and digest.
No, I don't owe a "certain woman" an apology. I don't owe her, or anyone involved with her, shit.. However, many thanks go to the officers, my representative in court, the doctors, nurses, and ambulance ladies, who took excellent care of me. Even the lady who questioned my sanity every time I cracked a joke in the ER.. (hey, I'm an optimist) Kudos to you guys. (Note: Now, I will delete the one post that was quoted in one of the messages.. not because suddenly my opinion has changed and this person is completely innocent, no. I am deleting it because it is out of date and no longer applies to my artist resume.) I think it is awfully grimy and narrow-minded for someone to intrude on my case, something that is personal to me, kick a man who is already down and paying for his mistakes, and "profit" from his pains. Why would I want more drama than necessary, and greedy intruders to catch a sick thrill from it all?
What, do you think, makes a "monster"? Have you even thought about that? What would make a person act in such a way, and so emotionally? What hardships have built up and were never overcome.. how hopeless had he felt at that time, that made him crack and give up everything he had going for him? This is, of course, no excuse for what had happened to me, but all aspects of the situation need to be considered in order to understand.
Shit happens, some things higher degrees than others. What's done is done. I kept a cool head, did what I had to do, and I gained "superhuman" status among many of those I've talked to personally. It's all being handled now, and what will be, will be.
If there's anything I want to get out of it, it's not built on spite, or any ill feelings. I have none. ALL I REALLY HOPE FOR IS THE EMOTIONAL SATISFACTION IN KNOWING THAT PEOPLE HAVE LEARNED FROM MY EXPERIENCE, THAT, WITH THE RIGHT MINDSET, YOU CAN OVERCOME ANYTHING. Inspiring others to grow and learn something about themselves is what makes me feel all warm and fuzzy inside. And as for my attacker, I hope he gets the help he needs. I can't fix it and I'm not going to try. He has a long road ahead of him. I may have had the shit beaten out of me, but I'm okay, and in the end, the one who conquered- that's what matters. I'm proud I stayed alive. That was one hell of an accomplishment, and I learned things about myself that I wouldn't have otherwise.
I am not going to be a part of anyone else's drama, and they will not be involved in my life if I can help it. I need to surround myself with people who support and inspire me. I want to grow as a person and an artist. I have big goals to accomplish. I have a (hopefully) long life ahead of me, and so many things I want to do during that time. Leave me out of your drama. There is nothing you can do for me, and I will not humor what appears to be another's twisted mental complex. You're on your own, lady. I'm better than that.